"I hate verbs in English..." The nature of the Present Simple & other present tenses

First, watch and enjoy the scene.  (For any other scenes, click on https://www.youtube.com/@raficomedy)

A) According to this Brazilian comedian in the USA, the grammar ruling the Present Simple makes no sense. Why?

B) What's the rule for affirmative sentences in the Present Simple? How are negative statements made? What about questions?

C) What has the Present Simple got in common with the rest of the present tenses?